i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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