I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
