Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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