dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sarcasm needs its own font
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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