Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize