and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
