Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
