I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize