When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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