Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
