i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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