I faked an abortion last night.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
