And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
