apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
