Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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