Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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