If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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