I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
