Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i think my cat just said my name.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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