I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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