Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
