Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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