and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
