i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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