did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hippo gnu deer
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
