His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
