Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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