like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
