I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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