I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
