At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
