I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
