Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
