he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
