how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
