I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize