If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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