I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
