Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
