his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
