Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
