I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
