Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
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