i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize