You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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