I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
