remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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