we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
