Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
