i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
