I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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