i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
