Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
