I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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