dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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