I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
