I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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