remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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