Kiss
Puke
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
