3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
"it" just moved
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
