Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
