I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
