do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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