she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
