so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
