Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
