You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
